The passing away of fathers

How honest can I be in a public piece of writing? My stepfather and I did not have a good relationship. That is the kindest I can be about it. And then say no more. The void is good for me. It becomes a place I can use for healing. So next Sunday I'll walk with a friend while talking. She has had similar bad experiences but then found other means to deal with it all. I am sure a long walk/talk will be good for myself and hopefully also for her.
I have recently seen in a friend what the sorrow for the loss of a real father really is. I knew the man and I liked him a lot. I have also seen how strong the mother tries to be. A long marriage, a close friendship, a real pair with enough space for both of them. Quite a way to be.

Inspector Schimanski is no more...

Götz George (23 July 1938 - 19 June 2016) son of the actor couple Berta Drews and Heinrich George. He was the german actor chosen to perform the role of the Duisburg detective Horst Schimanski for the TV crime series Tatort. He has performed many other characters as well... This detective was very fysical, smart, sometimes kind to the perpetrators, knowing how hard their life is. He starred in plays plays and his debut was in 1950 in a play by . He perfected is acting between 1958 and 1963. He personified Martin Luther, was the lead in Büchner's Danton's Death, which he considered to be his best role. William Saroyan's My Heart's in the Highlands. He also co-staged-managed .Gogol's The Government Inspector


He received the crucial part of his acting education between 1958 and 1963. Following his mother's advice he occasionally played at the Deutsches Theater in Göttingen under the direction of Heinz Hilpert. After Hilpert's death, George would never join a fixed theater company again. Hansgünther Heyme signed him in 1972 to the Kölner Schauspielhaus, where George played Martin Luther in Dieter Forte's Martin Luther und Thomas Münzer. His most important stage achievement, in his own opinion, was the lead role in  during the Salzburg Festival in 1981. In 1986 and 1987 George, together with Eberhard Feik and Helmut Stauss, stage-managed. Performing in Anton Chekhov's Platonov, George went on his hitherto last theater tour. He also was in some films among other one with Romy Schneider. 

He has given me many great Sunday evening delights, seeing his rough and tumble character, with a soft side doing what he did. In Ruhrort there is a Schimanski Gasse. Next time I am there I will lay down a flower for him.

Funerals

With three funerals in a short time, I didn't quite get to my blog. First was my mother, after 10 years of dementia it was a good thing that she slipped quietly away during the night. My parents being catholic, an intimate service was held in the small church of Overbrook. The pastor's openness for other believers or non-believers was refreshing. Then the father of a close friend passed away. A civil service in a huge crematorium. The woman who lead the memorial did a great job. The fun loving side of him was brought out, his jokes and yes, I too remember the twinkle in his eyes, his kindness. Yet I felt dwarfed by the size of the hall, the coldness of of the marble... It was good later to return Daisy's father's ashes to the earth in the old cemetery of Stekene... Closeness and togetherness. The third funeral was a friend of mine Lydia. She never found the road back to life after her husband Hugo died. They had done everything together, were a great couple, dancing tango, traveling, sharing their humanistic beliefs. This service too was in a Crematorium. It is situated in the beautiful setting of the graveyard of Schoonselhof, Antwerp. Here, her friends spoke about her life, her ideals, her philanthropic work, her son Wim spoke movingly about his mam. They had recently been to London together and had had a good, happy time. This kind of memories will sustain him during a difficult period. Sometimes death comes too soon, sometimes death would have been welcomed earlier, sometimes death is a choice. All kinds hurt even when one knows it was welcomed. Each funeral adding to the load and grief of the others...

So, don't forget to live and cherish your loved ones. Celebrate life.

My mother - Jeanine Ameloot

The night from Wednesday to Thursday, after seven years of dementia, my mother softly slipped away shortly after midnight... Thursday turned out to be a long day. Family council with the undertaker, practical decisions. My daughter and her husband were a great help. Then the pastor, a good man, came on Friday since my parents are/were catholic in order to organize the service which will be held next Wednesday. Tuesday she will be cremated.

The pastor had an interesting exercise: two pages with words in a long list. The family then had to say whether that word was a fair description of my mother. I know all family members hold a different position within the family and have different experiences and thus different views of her as husband, daughter, granddaughter and the granddaughter's partner. With each word that sounded nice her husband said yes, yes she was kind, yes she was simple, yes she helped people ...  My daughter having had the best of my mother was nuanced because she also knew, saw that it was different for me. This psychological exercise was very hard, trying to to find a balance between fair and honest. I have been touched by the kindness of my daughter and her husband and my friends, writing me, coming to the service next Wednesday, being there as support, sharing their experiences. I feel gratitude for this.
Photo by Bram Goots