Saturday, November 8, 2008


A friend whose husband is severely handicapped - he cannot stand since he has no force in his hips or lower limbs - was nearing exhaustion. She mused: What is the alternative, conversation is still as good as ever and we still sleep together in the same bed. Knowing what it means to be alone, untouched, I could see what she meant. She continued: It is harder now and takes some preparation to make love. And I have to do all the work. I am getting older too and the strain on legs and knees is getting worse. Yes, you have to be inventive to make it work and you also have to be really in the mood. So sometimes it is just the good old hand job for both of us... But then sleeping next to him, feeling the warmth of his body and knowing tomorrow will be another interesting day, I wouldn't want to miss it all. Now this friend is an excellent planner, has all the modern lifting equipment, special wheelchairs, can afford to pay a person when she leaves the house for a couple of hours and their love is based on intellectual curiosity and 'chaleur animale', the need for proximity. So she makes it work. Yes, she is strong and tired and describing the positions and proplems each of them poses, we had a good laugh and could deal with our different lives again.

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